To honor the fact that we just… a. finally remembered our g’damn login info; b. were just released from a Mexican prison; or c. will never never never never do peyote again…
We thought we’d say Howdy with a quick recap of what the hell happened over the last eight years, just in case you forgot the internet was here too.
- The Rock is now called Dewayne Johnson… and he’s an “actor”. (still does the eyebrow thing though)
- MJ, Whitney Houston, Bowie, Prince, Tom Petty, and Robin Williams are all dead. It’s been rough.
- NKOTB came back… but they’re gone again.
- Black president. Boom.
- Reality TV show president. Everything almost went Boom.
- In unrelated news to #5, Nazis are back… but I guess we don’t kill them now. We just let them do their thing? They also wear kakis and Hawaiian shirts. I don’t even know anymore.
- On a positive note, there is a 24hr Alf streaming channel.
- O.J. went to prison. Not for that murder. But he’s out. Sooooo…
- Blockbuster’s gone man; it’s really gone. Now from your couch you simply say, out-loud to a robot, “Rent Napoleon Dynamite”.
- Britney Spears’ hair grew back. She dances with knives now.
- Cher still looks the same.
- Dr Dre gave up rap and makes adorable headphones now. He’s also a billionaire.
- Blossom is all grown up and likes nerds.
- Sinbad still ain’t funny.
- Zombies are cool. Not scary… just undead bitches most self-respecting men know how to handle.
- The robots are basically taking over the world now. But it’s cute and they call it fun things like Bard, ChatGPT, and whatever.
- ohh… 2020 basically sucked. It’s a thing, there were murder hornets. Just Google it.
That just about covers it. If we forgot something, feel free to add it in the comments. Otherwise… welcome to 2023!