To honor the fact that we just… a. finally remembered our g’damn login info; b. were just released from a Mexican prison; or c. will never never never never do peyote again…

We thought we’d say Howdy with a quick recap of what the hell happened over the last eight years, just in case you forgot the internet was here too.

  1. The Rock is now called Dewayne Johnson… and he’s an “actor”. (still does the eyebrow thing though)
  2. MJ, Whitney Houston, Bowie, Prince, Tom Petty, and Robin Williams are all dead. It’s been rough.
  3. NKOTB came back… but they’re gone again.
  4. Black president. Boom.
  5. Reality TV show president. Everything almost went Boom.
  6. In unrelated news to #5, Nazis are back… but I guess we don’t kill them now. We just let them do their thing? They also wear kakis and Hawaiian shirts. I don’t even know anymore.
  7. On a positive note, there is a 24hr Alf streaming channel.
  8. O.J. went to prison.  Not for that murder. But he’s out. Sooooo…
  9. Blockbuster’s gone man; it’s really gone. Now from your couch you simply say, out-loud to a robot, “Rent Napoleon Dynamite”.
  10. Britney Spears’ hair grew back. She dances with knives now.
  11. Cher still looks the same.
  12. Dr Dre gave up rap and makes adorable headphones now. He’s also a billionaire.
  13. Blossom is all grown up and likes nerds.
  14. Sinbad still ain’t funny.
  15. Zombies are cool. Not scary… just undead bitches most self-respecting men know how to handle.
  16. The robots are basically taking over the world now. But it’s cute and they call it fun things like Bard, ChatGPT, and whatever.
  17. ohh… 2020 basically sucked. It’s a thing, there were murder hornets. Just Google it.

That just about covers it.  If we forgot something, feel free to add it in the comments.  Otherwise… welcome to 2023!