We may not be brilliant day-traders or Herculean ambassadors for the Wall Street way of life, but we do understand the simple things.  Like the importance of using a condom, gravity, that beer makes you happy, and running with scissors really is a bad idea. So of course you should listen to us when we suggest common sense advice on how to Invest in Your Future*…

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines 5 years ago, you would have $49.00 today!
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG 5 years ago, you would have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers 5 years ago, you would have $0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg.

And as a bonus…
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!

*Sweet Jesus… please don’t listen to us about investing in your future!!!  Ever.

Sidebar… here are a couple of comments that bounced back and forth when discussing this topic:

PaysteeWhite: My alcohol gallon consumption and miles per year really jack the bell curve.  A fifth a week, a few marathons a year….I’m like a Prius.  A Prius with a sick sound system.

WhiteGlossy: I’m the opposite, 1Liter a week of whiskey with no running and a crippled ankle.  I’m like the snaggle-toothed mutt you see on YouTube with the man-man little cart because his hind-legs are worthless.

EggShell: This machine runs on 750 ml bottles bitches.