So I ran a half marathon last Saturday.  It sucked. It sucked for 13 miles and a half mary is 13.1 miles.  Logically you would think half of anything should be better but I was mistaken.  Half a blow job sucks.  Half a Four Loko sucks (Dos Loko).  Being half gay still makes you gay.  I ran the 13.1 miles counting every step and saying goodbye to the ones I love in 1:50:32.  At mile 11.25 I burped up the last Gu I ate which was flavored Very Raspberry! (yes with an exclamation mark and it must be said with a lisp).  So I ran with a mouthful of regurgitated rainbow sparkle jam in my mouth for half a mile.  At mile 12.9 I sharted which led me to run directly through the finishing chutes, see the grimace on the volunteer Cub Scout who placed the undeserving medal around my neck, grab my free sandwich and chocolate milk and wobble aimlessly to the seat of my car parked too far away.  4 Weeks to go until LA 26.2.  At this rate  through 26.2 I will have thrown up, sharted, said goodbye to my loved ones and stabbed another runner which turned out to be a city of angels transient who I hope was the Golden Voice Ted Williams.  Is it me or does he look like the missing link to the Black Eyed Peas?  My glass is half empty.