You know when you’re driving down the street and you see that idiot jogging at traffic and you say “What a dumbf*ck!  Why are you in the street?!? You’re running the wrong way queer!”   I’m the dumbf*ck running into traffic in the bike lane.  For most of you this is said internally but I’ve heard it being screamed out the car window and it’s especially sad when you come to the realization you know the person.  Up yours mom.

I’ve learned a lot over the last month in my LA marathon quest.  I’ve ran approximately…..carry the 1…..times pie……11 miles this month.  So with my average it should only take me 3 1/2 months to complete the full mary.  Hey it’s a b!tch dodging all the flicked cigarette butts, rabid dogs, chucked full cans of soda and homosexual slurs while running.  I used to see a runner (and runner is the correct term.  Calling a runner a jogger is like saying…..well you know what to a black dude and I don’t want Jessie Jackson shutting down WGUB.)  Anyways when I used to see a runner I would make the comment…”Why are they running?  Don’t they have a car?”  followed by a homosexual slur.  So I understand, I get it.  But this is the reason runners are in the street and heading into traffic:

1) Asphalt is much more forgiving than cement on your joints (not Sublime style), ligaments, knees and balls.  It may not seem like it but the street feels like Nerf compared to the sidewalk after a few miles.

2) You should always run towards traffic so you have visibility of the oncoming cars.  Especially at dusk/night.  How bad would it suck to be taken out by a car from your backside and never knew it was coming.  I asked a question and I’ll answer it…it would suck badly…like Eggshell’s attempt at color guard in junior high.

So please understand we’re (yes I’m claiming to be apart of the running cult) just attempting to save our legs, balls and at least see the car that takes us out.  Also please have the courtesy of tossing full unopened cans, Pabst preferably and half smoked cigarettes for us.