If You Murdered Your Daughter*... Raise your Hand

… then I should get away with:

  1. Slipping it in the backdoor last night “by mistake”, 3-4 times.
  2. French kissing your sister, on her vagina, 2 years ago.
  3. Leaving you at the bar on New Years Eve because I was too drunk to remember you were there.
  4. Having sex with dead people. In public.
  5. Having sex with dead people. Alone.
  6. Huffing gas and peeing on children.
  7. Sweeping the legs of retarded athletes at the Special Olympics during the pole-vault or in the concession line.
  8. Hiding behind bushes and tackling homeless people.
  9. Walking into Quizno’s dressed as a clown, ordering a sandwich then throwing back into the “sandwich artist'” face.
  10. Taking off my shirt during each flag salute or Star Spangled Banner and flying the confederate wings drawn on my back in lipstick.

*I meant, didn’t murder your daughter… apparently.  Whatev.

Thanks Eggshell & Paystee for your input!