Here are a handful of texts I received from Paystee last night during the opening ceremonies:

Hey London that’s really awesome. You know what would really impress the rest of the world? Baking soda and a cleaning utensil applied to your grills. Happy Olympics.

Paystee Fact: rich kids in London look like poor kids in America.

Its sad how un-cultural/traveled I am that I sit here watching the Olympic’s opening ceremony realizing how incredibly beautiful foreign chicks are. I’ve got to get past Orange County hoes.

I swear I’ve seen Nick Cannon holding the flag for like a dozen different countries.

And here comes Mexico lookin’ like a big ass swap meet. Sh!t…they’re sellin’ pork rhines to the crowd.

Oh dear god I want to f+ck everybody in Norway. Everybody.

Ha…..they keep saying “breast stroker.”