We hope you remember not that long ago… it was a beautiful early Spring day, a slight crispness in the air, we took several brave souls into the unknown with us, most of them survived. I am, of course, talking about the day we… took down The Kraken!!! If you missed it… shame on you! (you can catch up with the rest of us right HERE.)
Since then, the Kraken team has been busy. They’ve come out with a pretty badass commercial to spread the good word (HERE), and now… an iPhone app. I know, I know… an app… seriously? I thought the same thing too. But, I do love me some Kraken, so I checked it out. And I have to say it’s actually pretty damn cool!
I can do my best to articulate how much fun this app is… navigating your own personal ship through Kraken invested waters… but the sailors from camp Kraken do a fantastic job of it themselves, and why let good writing go unnoticed? Check it out:
Description – The Kraken: The Simulation Application for Nautical Maneuvering
The Makers of The Kraken® Black Spiced Rum generously share with you this NEAR ACCURATE SIMULATION, so that you may experience the perils they first encountered in bringing this fine product to the world.
*** IMPORTANT****
You Must be Aged 21 Years, or Greater, to Download this Application. Age Verification will be Performed before the Application can Commence. (Or You will be Duly Dismissed.)Utilizing State-of-the-Art 19th Century Technology, You Must Attempt to Successfully Deliver a Shipment of Black Spiced Rum across the Darkest of All the Seas. Or Be Swallowed Whole By the Beast of Myth and Legend, the Mighty Kraken.
Harnessing the Natural Aquatic Properties of your Hand-held Apparatus, Navigate your Ship through an Array of Hazards, being Careful not to be Waylaid by One, as the Mighty Kraken will not Twice Ponder your Permanent Removal from the Map – By Means of Devouring. (Please Note: Do Not Submerge your Apparatus In Actual Water.)
Features:
-Instructions Given By Prof. Thornton Cumberbatch, Undersea Oddity Specialist.
-Spectacular Accelerometer-sensitive Ship Maneuverability.
-Multiple Uncannily Realistic Hazards (Brace Yourself Accordingly.)
-Three Remarkably True-to-Legend Kraken Perish Scenarios.
-Fall-Off-The-Edge-of-Earth Accuracy
-Actual Distress Cries of Fallen Seamen
-Hand-etched Art, Etched by Real Hands.
-Success Rewards Participant with Simulated Glass of Black Spiced Rum.
-Original Musical Composition by, Master of Orchestras, Christopher Hicken.
-Animation created by Madam Ariane Irle.*In The Event of An Actual Kraken Encounter Your Hand-Held Device May be Thrust at Beast.
**All Depictions of the Kraken Based on Images As Seen Through the Eyes of the Imagination. And/Or Hearsay. And/Or Most Reliable Accounts and Descriptions of It.
I love the part where they say “*In The Event of An Actual Kraken Encounter Your Hand-Held Device May be Thrust at Beast.”… Hahahahaha. These guys are right up our alley!
However you look at it, The Kraken rum is one of the best damn drinks you can take with you… be it a party cruise or just a simple land-lovers jaunt around the livingroom. For this Memorial Day Weekend, kill a little Kraken of your own in memory of all the brave naval officers that have lost their life to ferocious sea creatures.
