“In 2011 I will attempt to pay the skanks off prior to sex.”  – Tiger Woods

“This year I will not be governor.” -Arnold Schwartenhoweverthef*ckyouspellit

“In 2011 I promise to extend my deterioration of this great nation and put more family’s on the streets.”   -The Economy

“This year I will send more picture texts.”  -Brett Favre

“In 2011 I promise to keep my hands to myself except for when placing this shotgun in my mouth.”-   Chris Brown

“My new year’s resolution is to be the highest ranked globally naked player at Michael Jackson’s The Experience on Wii.   Ah Shamoni!!”- Pastee