It was a wonderful weekend of kicking it judo style with my besties… testing a few new tasty libations… intense games of gay chicken with Eggshell… and random texts from Crazy Uncle PaysteeWhite.  Let’s get started:

7 beers, double scotch, double Makers, still thirsty, still very lonely.

Revised: 7 beers, double scotch, double Makers, still thirsty, still very lonely but not sexually confused.

Update: 8 beers, double scotch, double Makers, still thirsty, still very lonely not sexually confused, handful of Wheat Thins.

Hey Mr imaginary friend, if you’re not going to have Baileys in your coffee can I have yours? Thanks, make mine a double then. Hey Mr imaginary friend, we should have sex sometime.

“You got dat swag sauce you drippin’ swag goo.”. Very good Mr. Rapper, here’s a million dollar check……..f#ck my life.

Dude have you ever been watching porn and see a d!ck that looks just like yours?! And you’re all like “that’s my d!ck!”

Want to avoid waking up to splattering diarrhea every 30 minutes since 430am? Here’s what to avoid: Pop Tarts, pizza, sushi, mexican food, McFlurry.