Originally Posted October 8th, 2010
Last Saturday I assembled the most rag-tag group of adventurers I could possibly find… we dressed for battle, prepared our loved ones for a potentially dangerous expedition, and trekked off into the wild yonder. “After what?” you ask… well dear WGUBers… we went after THE KRAKEN (Around $20 for 750ml)!!!! With tales and lore woven back as long as storytelling has been alive, fear of the Kraken’s wrath has been chronicled and documented time and again. Monstrous size, town-leveling tentacles, only a few have actually lived to spread the word of what exactly it was that turned their hair pure white out of sheer terror. We are here today to tell you friends… the Kraken is alive and well, and tastes pretty damn good!
We previewed the Kraken’s wonder once before (HERE) and teased you when we got it (HERE) and now we’ve survived our encounter (barely) and are back to tell you all about it. As far as Rums go, there are really only a few we enjoy regularly… the good ole classic Captain Morgan’s, the potently great Sailor Jerry’s and in a pinch I’ll run out for a little Admiral Nelson (round-up the entire Navy). An interesting fact about the Kraken, it has only four natural enemies… the Babylonian Water-Goat, Mermen, Seylla of Homer & Cadborosourus Willsi. In fact, there is a great online-book about the history and survival guides for your potential Kraken encounter (at their website).
Back to the rum… Before we go into detail let’s just come right out and say we like it, a lot! This Black Spiced rum will now adorn our liquor cabinet for a long time to come.
After drinking you instantly notice the hot POW of Kraken spices… followed by the quick kick of a 94 proof Rum… then, all of a sudden, a calming smoothness slides into your chest. A warmth that idles in your belly for a very nice drunken mellow (as their slogan states “Put a Beast in your Belly”). Needless to say after a few cups of this beastly liquor I was feeling pretty damn good (but without the irritating “Buzz”) and it truly lasted well into the night. In fact, about 4 hours later I thought about having a little more, but realized I was still feeling the power of the Kraken’s hold and lovingly went with it.
As I mentioned we took a brave crew along with us… here are a few of their thoughts after trying it:
PaysteeWhite: After 7 hours of drunken stupor I asked myself, out loud mind you, “Why am I still in the drunken stupor?” After further investigation on pouring myself another shot, I spotted the 94 proof on the front of the bottle!!! Motherfather!!! That’s the caliber of strength it takes to calm retards who go berserk in department stores. I guess the Kraken’s biggest enemies are the Babylonian Water-Goat and myself.
Drunken Sailor #1: The color was dark black resembling my liver.
Drunken Sailor #2: I released much more than the Kraken the day after.
Drunken Wench #1: Dude the Kraken is 94 proof… it all makes sense now. It’s like the Green Mile guy dick slapped me.
Drunken Wench #2: No lie… Kraken seals the deal. 94 Proof but it really feels like 98 degrees. Nick Lachey is all over me right now.
Drunken Wench #1 (back for more): It’s like molten lava in my esophagus. Was that a tentacle reaching up into my nose?
