Running sucks. But then add rain to running and it sucks worse and harder than Miley on the salvia bong. Ever had the flu with heat flashes, near blindness, shivering to where you won’t even reach down to stop the flow of excrement running down your leg? Me neither.
Now back to running in bad weather. I’ve been told to hit the treadmill when weather outside is not delightful, but the treadmill blows, treadmill blows, treadmill blows. The only good thing about the treadmill is the 15 year old’s a$$, I mean 18 year old’s a$$ in front of you and the TV as incentive. Other than that it really does not compare or prepare your body for a pavement pounding journey. So I’ve been on the treadmill for the past couple weeks and over the weekend I sucked it up, put on a rain slicker I stole from a Wal-Mart greeter and went for a 5 miler. About .12 miles in I started crying. About .67 miles in my nipples were bleeding due to the moisture and my genetically ape-like elongated nips do not help. About 1.78 miles in I was laughing hysterically at what I don’t know. It was truly an acid trip and I was all alone.
I finished the run and I have never felt more like a man. My next run in crap weather I’m going to enhance the man experience by wearing a viking helmet and dragging a woman by her hair. Until then….run fast and run far homies.
