Everyone is got their panties up in a bunch over these new TSA screening procedures.  As someone who flies on a fairly regular basis, I’m calling all you pansies out on this one.  Seriously, if them rubbing up on my Johnson (and your boobs) is going to prevent my plane from going boom boom then heck I’m all for it. 

And why is everyone all in uproar about these full body scanners?  Are you really that worried that a copy of this image might end up in someone’s porn collection?  Is there a sub culture of porn that we don’t know about?  The radioactive-x-ray porn genre?  Seriously?  Another thing, even if someone was stealing these images to get off on, I’d be damn proud if someone stole my image and wanted to get off on it.  First words out of my mouth would be, “Damn right I work out.” 

Look my fellow Americans, we can’t have it both ways.   We charge these people to protect us from dangers that potentially get on planes.  Therefore they may need to search little Suzie’s stroller from time to time.  Just because you didn’t wire Suzie with enough C4 to bring down a Airbus doesn’t mean that the guy behind you in line didn’t. 

I’m all for standing up for our rights, but give me a break.  Stop being so prudish.  Do you think these people love rubbing under your fat roll or in-between your legs all day long?  All the while probably making just over federal minimum wage? 

So here is a word of advice.  Avoid flying if you can’t handle the rules of the road.  If you have to fly and this still makes you queasy, just expect you might get a pat down.  If you have your choice, have someone who looks normal do it.  Not the guy with the 70’s porn mustache or the fat guy with rimmed glasses.  You know those guys are going to get off on it.  These simple things will only help your experience that much more.  But we think that everyone should just take it in stride.  Why not have the following replies ready instead?

Men: “Oh no sir, that isn’t a gun.  It’s just my penis.” or “Yes, I know it is impressive, my wife thinks so too.”

Women:  “You would think they were fake, but I have good genetics.”  or “Go any higher and we are legally married in Thailand.”

See America, you can have some fun with it. In reality it is probably the only action you are going to get for oh four plus hours while your on the plane anyway.  Unless you are all yogaed out and can get your lady into one of those things they call an airplane bathroom.