Nearly everyone strives to be the Boss at some point in their life (or thinks they can do it better than theirs)… maybe some of you reading this already are.  At the WGUB we strive to make the lives of our readers an enlightened one… and attempt to make society as a whole a much better place.  That being said, Here are the Top 20 things that make a regular boss…. a Bad-Ass BOSS!!!

  1. Take your full 1-hour lunch, but bring food back with you and eat it at your desk.
  2. Hire a smokin hot Secretary/Assistant and treat her like shit.
  3. Don’t call anyone by their real name (champ, kid, guy, etc.), or get their name wrong every time.
  4. Disappear for 10-15 Minutes a few times a day, and tell nobody where you are.
  5. Have HR in your office (with doors closed) at least twice a week with a personnel list and a red pen.
  6. Keep a bottle of Whisky or Rum in your office.  Always.
  7. Create, and then cancel, meetings at the last-minute.
  8. Never complete anything more than 80%.
  9. Whisper all the time.
  10. Walk really fast everywhere you go for no reason.  Always look as if you’re in a hurry.
  11. Always, I repeat always, have papers in your hand.
  12. Never wash your coffee cup.
  13. Shit on Deborah’s desk.
  14. Find a fish, f-ck its brains out.
  15. Never let a day go by where you don’t compliment a female employee with “I’d Hit That”.
  16. Become hysterically angry over everything, all the time.  “WHO PARKED IN THE PARKING LOT?!?!?!?!”, “WHO FLUSHED THE URINAL!?!?!?  DAMMIT YOU’RE WASTING PERFECTLY GOOD URINAL CAKES!!!”