Hey folks, Agent White here with some more astute observations. You can always count on me. (Disclaimer: This is not an actual guarantee.) Bearing in mind that I know nothing about politics, and that one of the main parameters of my commentaries is to avoid all things political, I will try very hard to not make any political statements here. I have a few gripes with the election.
First up, the process. America is a country that embraces technology. Machines hand us our money at ATMs. Ditto for our soda bottles. Need I go on? Students carry disks and jump drives instead of books and notebooks. Almost nothing is done on paper anymore. Even government agencies are allowing technology and the internet to conduct business. (I.E., If you are still doing your taxes on paper, you’re living in the stone age.) All of this is going on, and yet we are still using the same old-school method of voting that we’ve used for…how many years now? Some states use hole-punch devices. Others use pens or #2 pencils to fill in bubbles. My state uses a system that I’ve never seen used anywhere else where you fill in one end of an arrow to connect to the other end. If you can pay your taxes online, or file for government benefits online, why can you not vote online?
Second up, the coverage. Ever heard the phrase “The freaks come out at night”? Well, the freaks definitely come out on election night. Nevermind all the nut jobs who are out in the cold rain holding signs on a freeway overpass as I drive by at 75 miles an hour, or those who have nothing better to do than to knock on random doors, inspiring me to “rock the vote”, or even the people who show up to a “rally” for a candidate who has no chance. I’m talking about the people on TV. The people who are actually supposed to know stuff and have something interesting to say…and is it too much to ask that they look the part?
Last night I was watching the coverage on multiple stations and I saw and heard many people who don’t belong on TV: wrinkled ill-fitting suits, bow-ties (Really?!?), unkempt, and most-likely unshowered. I saw a politician who was the special-guest political expert, whose primary credential for being there was that he lost in the previous election. This particular person’s eyes were bugged out the whole time and he could barely formulate a sentence without fumbling all over himself. Not once did he even look at the camera. “Hey Mr. Would-Have-Been Governor, you do know that you are not on radio, right? You do know that if you had been elected you would have had to talk in public at least once in a while, right? Got any idea why you lost? Nope? Shocking.”
Fortunately there was a happy ending. When I turned the TV on at 6AM this morning I was greeted by an angelic blonde woman with luminous blue eyes which seemed to bid me “Good Morning!” Clearly she was a scholar.