Apparently Christmas time is the time for the mass genocide of pine trees… a high employment rate for the unemployable, and “little people”… and the time of year to slap a rock on somebody’s finger! For better or Worse till the FCC shuts us down, here is your Special Holiday gettin Hitched edition of your Hollywood Crack!
Natalie Portman: Before today, outside of the dancing world, the name Benjamin Millepied meant nothing. Today however… he is not only an incredibly lucky bastard who landed one of the sexiest actresses of our generation, but bumped uglies and is Papa Bear to her soon to be Baby Bear! That’s right good people of the WGUB… Ole’ Benji landed himself a Superstar! Now, we don’t know him… and apologies if this post comes across as angry. We’ll just go ahead and blame it on jealousy I suppose. Reality is he’s probably a fantastic guy, with mad dancing skills and a wicked high sperm count. Either way… Lady Portman is spoken for, and about to be a Mommy.
LeAnn Rimes: I remember back in the day when this lil’ chicklet bought herself a Dodge Viper before she could even drive. Now she’s dumping Hubby #1… helping future hubby #2 split from his wife… and getting married to a guy 9yrs older. A dude by the name of Eddie Cibrian (yeah we had to look him up too… but then when “Ohhhhhhhhhh…. that guy”) We don’t judge. Gma & Gpa Glossy were like 15 years apart in age and they lived happily ever after, and it wasn’t Gpa’s 1st married either. Cheers to Eddie & LeAnn, and we hope those boots aren’t made for walking little missy.
The Hef: The king of our nations biggest supplier of boobies has picked a rock… and a rack… and decided to take the plunge! At a viagra-induced-kinda-youthful 84, Hugh Hefner and 24-year-old Playmate Crystal Harris have made their engagement public after the Holiday Weekend. For the record this will be Heffies 3rd marriage… 2nd one to a Hoooooooot playmate. Frankly… can you blame the guy? Every year is a new slew of breastseseses, with rockin bodies to match, just throwing themselves at his
money love. A human being can only resist for so long ya know! Anyway…. mazel tov to the Bunny-man. Side-note… looking for this picture was my favorite part of the day.
Jason Mraz: the skit-skattin crooner is also off the proverbial market good friends. if by design or not… Mraz’s music has made women all over the world gooey and soft for a little love making for quite some time now. Finally… the Karma is paying him back in full. He found love in the form of Tristan Prettyman, a former model for Roxy and singer/songwriter of her own right. Both of them rockers on stage… both with a unique California flare… and now both of them incredibly in love! Wishing you all the best!!!!!
That’s our lovey dovey edition of the Hollywood Crack!!! We really do hope everybody we wrote about has a long and happy life together!!!!! But if not… we’ll be here to write about it (so don’t make us do it… ok!?!?!)